Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash
“Dude, it has really been six months. Where in the actual F**K have you been?” Well, let me get you up to speed…
Remember when I said – and I quote “weekly-ish articles”? Well, that statement proved to be truer than I originally planned. Here’s the thing. I’ve been, like, super busy. This shouldn’t be an excuse or anything, but it should serve as an explanation. I got a million ‘adulting’ things on my plate, and I am trying my best. However, in my defense, I believe that time is a construct… so take that as you will.
These past six months have been more than just hectic; they have been downright INSANE! can honestly say that time definitely flies when your life averts from its original plan. It still only feels like August only happened three weeks ago. That’s the weird thing I noticed about time. Time goes by so quickly, and we never really notice it until we finally look up and realize we are in a completely different season.
It has been a crazy six months, and trust me, I will be getting to all of that in just a second. I have not had much time to myself, let alone enough time to write and maintain a blog that I am paying for – just saying. Let’s just say a lot of things have not been going according to plan since I’ve been away.
Unfortunately, I had to make some pretty adult choices in these past six months. There was too much going on and not enough time to check off all the items on my to-do list. So, I had to choose between continuing to burn the candle at both ends, making me even more miserable than I already was, or take a break, get my sh*t together, and give myself the time to be in the right head space to get back to what I love. And trust me when I say that I made the right decision.
When I look back, I was well overdue for a mental health assessment. I was stressed, depressed, and poorly dressed! Look, I’m not exactly the blogging sensation of this generation. But I was stressing so much that my fun writing project was starting to bum me out.
So, what prompted this impromptu stress attack? When I look back at the past months, it really only comes down to four main events:
First, I started a new job back in September (shout-out to my LinkedIn Profile really quick!)
Before I took my little break, I was in the middle of an intense job search and getting ready to leave my current job. If you have ever looked for a job, then you already know how stressful it can be. I was doing countless interviews, filling out application after application, and getting a ton of rejection emails. I was starting to feel like I was trapped in a situation that I had no escape from. That was until I got a call from my current (but for the basis of this timeline, my future) boss.
Cut to: me finally landing a job in one of my top dream companies. And no, I’m not saying that because they sign my paychecks, and because I represent my job with every social media post. Since I can remember I’ve always wanted to work at where I am at now; not necessarily in my current field, but definitely at my new place of employment.
When I started, I was completely shocked by the difference between the environment I was leaving, and where my future was heading. Right now, I have a great working environment, awesome team, and a much more stimulating workflow than in my previous job. A lot of my energy had been taken over by my job recently, and it can really take a toll on a day-to-day basis.
For what I do for a living, I am usually sitting on a computer, writing countless emails, posts, and sometimes physically running around to the point of fatigue and mental exhaustion. Most nights I am so exhausted that I fall asleep in the clothes I have been wearing all day. I know, it’s gross. I don’t need the reminder.
Since I do a lot of writing at work, I hardly have the energy to write any more than I need to. Which is why this blog has been stagnate since I started working.
I’ve also been traveling, a lot (low key shout-out to my Instagram!)
I promise to share all my trip posts as soon as I can. Trust me I have a lot of things I need to share about where I’ve been in 2019. Traveling takes a lot of time, energy, and mostly my sanity. Have you ever been through TSA in Amsterdam? Because I have. Let’s just say I’m not a fan.
With that being said, I have been traveling a lot, and I will hopefully be travelling even more for 2020! I’ve had a lot of fun traveling in the past six months. I’ve been to Vegas, went back to New York for a wedding, and I had completed another Europe tour to finish off the decade! I got a lot to write about and hopefully the time to do it!
The dating pool has been taking up a lot of my time, energy, and most of my sanity!
Guys, that eight-year-old really got to me with her Chili’s analogy. I have mentioned my perpetual single-ness that it is starting to get kind of sad. Most people have said that I come off very anti-relationship. That is completely not true. I am only anti-putting up with people’s crap for more than thirty seconds, but you know what? I am trying to change and grow into a more patient and understanding person.
Shocker! it’s not working! I still can’t stand other people and their bullsh*t!
I forgot how exhausting and draining dating is. First, I have to look nice. Second, I have to actually plan things with a strange man that may or may not ‘Joe Goldberg’ me. Third, I have to put up with some truly dull small talk over a dating app. Look, I really hate small talk. If you match with me on Bumble just ask me a personal question to tell me about the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you. ANYTHING! Something other than ‘oh, so what did you major in at college?’ (read it in a mocking man voice to get the full effect, of how over I already am with this whole dating thing)
The depression, stress, and burnout has been hitting me hard.
This part is kind of tough to really put into words. I talk about this later down the road, but for now I’m just going to touch base on this.
The main reason I stopped writing was because there were a lot of intense and stressful things going on that made me want to crawl under the covers and not come out. There have been a lot of times where I would cry over spilled milk because before the milk spilled, the stove would be on fire, the power would go out, a tornado would lift the house, and a witch would curse me and my little dog too.
My point being that for a while I felt like it was one thing bad happening right after the other. I had to get my car fixed – twice! I had maintenance issue after maintenance issue with my new apartment. My love life was hectic because the past just loves coming around to make things worse. and let’s not mention how insane people are in general in Central Florida.
I stopped posting on all my social media, I withdrew from things and people I enjoyed because I didn’t have it in me mentally to do anything. If I wasn’t lying in bed, aimlessly watching my ceiling fan, I would be crying in my car from all the stress. And it was at that moment I realized that I needed to hit pause, fix my life, and give myself the time I needed to get back to being me.
Again, I’ll probably go into more details later
I took off more time than I originally planned, and I can honestly say that I don’t regret it at all. A hiatus is great, just look at tv shows. Imagine if your favorite show was on at the same time, on the same day of the week, without ever stopping. You’d get pretty sick of that show. The show itself would most likely run out of any creative juices it has at some point and do an out-of-place musical episode for no apparent reason.
I realized a lot of things in this extremely long break. First, we can’t do everything at once. We can try, but it is eventually going to lead to a psychotic break if we are not careful. Second, listen to yourself. Don’t ignore what is going on. If you’re stress, burnt out, or at the point of tears, then you need to get the help you need, whether its self-care, a day off, a therapist, a huge glass (or bottle) of wine, whatever it is you need, get it!
Here is what I am hoping will happen. I am going to get back to this project. Again, I’m not sure for how long, but hopefully for a while. I got lots of ideas and probably enough time to write them. Wish me luck, and welcome back to my blog my dudes!
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